The award-winning Ask Dr. Hal show is an interactive intellectual salon in which you, the audience, have the opportunity to consult the omniscient and oracular Dr. Hal Robins on life's eternal questions and trivial minutiae.

The show is set to the frenetic soundscapes of the SF Weekly's Best Audio and Visual Collagist, KROB, and the pertinent visual puns of Yo-Yo King David Capurro. All orchestrated and moderated from on high by surly showman Chicken John, former proprietor of San Francisco's infamous Odeon Bar.

ASK DR. HAL’S Transcendent 10th!

January 5th, 2009
   The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. IX                                                                      No. 10
FIRST SHOW OF THE NEW YEAR!
“The World’s great Age begins anew,
The vanished years return,
The Earth doth like a snake renew
Her winter weeds outworn.”
                                                    –Shelley
THIS WEEK:
A S we set our feet on the path of another year, the Ask Dr. Hal! show
finds its purposes renewed, and determines to make this new era known for
its best days ever. Thirteen years on the boards– hard to believe –are just
prologue, that which we have done but earnest of the things which we shall
do. So stick with us, and make time to attend our new shows. We’ve got some
amazing new attractions in the pipe. And this very week, you won’t want to
miss the moment– that unrivaled moment… when…
         KrOB, San Francisco, Presents:
THE MOST EXCITING RE-MATCH SINCE THE SECOND CLAY-LISTON FIGHT
“ALLOSAURUS vs. DIPLODOCUS”
(Life-Struggles of the Pre-Diluvian World)
–Another unforgettable KrOB “Edit!”
Diplodocus carnegii was one of the largest dinosaurs ever discovered. It may have
been the longest land animal (at 54 meters or 177.5 feet) but was not the heaviest.
It was a saurischian or “lizard-hipped” dinosaur, named after industrialist and
philanthropist Andrew Carnegie. This sauropod was once the most famous dinosaur
on the planet, as the tycoon, who had sponsored the excavation and scientific
preparation of the type specimen, was rewarded for this act of largesse by having the
beast named after him. His expansive ego tickled by that tribute, Carnegie had many
copies made of the skeleton, which he then donated to a number of the great science
museums of the world. There is a famous replica of the Diplodocus, nicknamed “Dippy,”
in front of the Carnegie Museum of National History in Pittsburgh, PA. (also the home
of entertainer-chanteuse Phat Mandee), a replica actually constructed life-size to give
people an immediate picture of the overwhelming, looming, bulbous bulk of the
animal. Diplodocus was a herbivore whose main food was thought to be conifers. It ate
no flowering plants, since they, the angiosperms, had not yet been invented. Nor did
they have any grass back in the Jurassic (150 million years ago). So, it must have eaten
an enormous amount of the nutrition-poor plants of its day, every day. It didn’t chew
them– constantly eating to sustain its grotesque mass, it swallowed leaves whole
which it stripped from high branches with the peg-like teeth in its (comparatively) tiny
head. Its vast, rounded gut sloshed and gurgled; its bowels emitted vast flatulent
clouds of methane and heaved out tons of excrement. The monster also swallowed
large stones, or gastroliths, which, rolling and grinding together in its immense
stomach, helped digest the tough plant material. These eating machines may have
traveled in herds, migrating when the food supply was depleted. And, a herd of these
things could devastate a forested area just in passing through. In fact, it’s not
unreasonable to suppose that the presence of these critters and others like them may have
caused climate change in their day. When Life provides abundant food, it then often
provides giant beasts to eat it up. It’s all part of Nature’s ruthless way of maintaining
homeostasis and providing biospheric balance. Diplodocus bred from eggs, like other
sauropods, which it laid while walking (and of course while eating). How could those
eggs, even leathery-skinned dino eggs, fall twelve to fifteen feet to the ground without
being destroyed? Easy– Diplodocus had an extensible ovipositor. Well, sir, this huge
creature was given an extremely long neck and a long, whip-like tail. Most of this
herbivorous animal’s length, in fact, was in the neck and tail. Diplodocus had one of the
smallest brains for its size (the size of a human’s fist), and they say its intelligence was
among the lowest of that of the Dinosauria. Now, the pillar-like legs of Diplodocus rested
on feet that were five-toed (like those of elephants); moreover, one toe on each foot had a
thumb claw, probably for protection. For it needed protection in those days, yes it did. There
were fearsome carnivores who would attack despite its intimidating giantism, clawed feet
and deadly whip-like tail. One was the Allosaurus. For a description of Allosaurus atrox, see
The Dr. Hal Report (Vol. VIII, No. 5) in the notes on KrOB’s edit, “Attack of the Anarchic
Allosaurus.” Well, folks, we’re showing footage of just such an inter-species combat. See
these prehistoric Titans locked in mortal combat! Which shall prevail? The answer may
surprise you. And, as a coda, we’ll demonstrate that even the most ruthless land predator
of its time may be vulnerable to other, more fearsome enemies… View it all on our Giant
Screen. But, before that…
WE START…  WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON!
Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon– each one
seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to film. Last week we brought
you, as promised, Red Hot Riding Hood (1943). And, if you liked that one (which your loud
applause indicated you did) you’ll be happy to know that we have more of those– the Wolf,
Red– even Grandma will be back. But this week, we’re presenting a mind-boggling work of
our favorite all-time animation director, Bob Clampett (1913 1984). The film: the
outstanding Warner Bros. short, Book Revue (1945). In 1994 it was voted #45 of The 50
Greatest Cartoons of all time by members of the animation field. At first Book Revue
seems to be one of those pedestrian cartoons wherein “after Midnight, books in a
bookstore come to life” of the type that frequently appeared under the Merrie Melodies
banner (such as 1938’s Have You Got any Castles). But it quickly spins wildly out of control
from this sedate premise in true Clampett style as a manic Daffy Duck (Clampett’s Daffy,
not Chuck Jones’s Duck) enters and takes over. The cartoon is loaded with puns and pop
culture references, even by Warner standards. After this lampoon, Warner never issued
another cartoon of that genre. Like all Clampett cartoons, Book Revue (later released as Book
Review, spoiling the pun), has run into censorship problems in this over-protective,
social-engineered age. For example, Daffy’s line about “La Cucharacha,” “So round, so
firm, so fully packed, so easy on the draw” is often cut by the crowd of PC Nervous Nellies
(possibly because of its sexual innuendo), though this line is actually one of the taglines for
Lucky Strike cigarettes. Actually, the same people don’t want you to mention the cigarettes,
either. Oh, well– forget them– we are, as always, taking pains to give you the whole thing,
complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with
yet another treasure of your Nation’s once flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has
dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture. Remember, our show will start right
up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on time!
” Clampett at his high-octane best… with a show-stopping and hysterically funny
performance by Daffy… the duck just rocks. The concentrated energy of this cartoon blasts
off the screen! …(O)nce Daffy appears on screen, brother, clear the decks…”
                                                                                                                 –angelynx 2, IMDB
FRANK CHU! IS IT YOU ?
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! At some time during our next show, and indeed during
(nearly) every show, by special arrangement, the perennial protester/holy man, protest sign grasped
firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late, great 12 Galaxies night
club was named, will ascend the stage once again– and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned,
incomprehensible bromide. Believe us, no one can figure out what he’s talking about. It’s kind of
an Invocation, wherein we request the blessings of and endorse the presence of Chicken John’s
favorite deities, Randomness and Chaos. You may rely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says).  Go,
Frank, go! We’ve even got him answering questions!
COMPUTER FREEBOOTER
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the show progresses. To
see what that means, you’ve got to watch the guy in action. IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also
known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master Yo-Yo
Manipulator extraordinaire, keeps the show connected to the digital world, all the while scheming
to bilk Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can receive, as they are rewarded
in this curious fashion for their excellence and entertainment value. Sometimes he shows pictures
of us. Who knows? Maybe he’ll suddenly put up one of you, one you never knew existed. What a
sense of humor the guy has. But we guess you really have to be there to appreciate this. So, be
there!
SPACE IN YOUR FACE– WITH PETE GOLDIE!
ADH Science expert Pete Goldie will lead attendees through the endless reaches of the universe
in his continuing segment, “Waste of Space.” Pete will be on hand this week too, to present more
of the newest discoveries made in the eternal realms of the unfathomable void. It’s an exciting
time. He’s got a  nifty little model of the Cassini-Huygens Probe, too, that you’ll see at the show, the
amazing, far-travelling spacecraft that our pal Paul Pot perpetually toils over, refining its intricacies.
Yes, something’s always happening in Space these days– and sure as Entropy, Pete (when not
interrupted by a rogue gorilla, a giant, dancing megalo-chicken or an unseemly eruption of
roof-dwelling hillbillies) is going to be telling each and every one of us al-l-l-l about it.
CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s
4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.”
NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!
So there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? We don’t do the show in a bar any more, so, it’s OK to
drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still be rewarded
in the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how
Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro do it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask
Dr. Hal!
SOCIAL NOTES
Dots & Dashes & Lots of Flashes… Flash! Our New Year’s Bash was a smash! What with all
the other parties going on, we half expected to get plowed in the attendance dept., but
no! A good-sized mob jammed into the old Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret to welcome in
2009 with the Ask Dr. Hal! show. Not that ADH attendance hasn’t been good since we started
up at the CPGC, FYI, but we knew there’d be magnum competition, party-wise… We did have,
as advertised, the “Da-Da-ist Peep-Show Booth,” There it was, right outside our doors, and
inside– Wowee! Hubba-hubba! Also, Eccchhh! That would be for the, er, Grand Guignol
aspect of 1 of the shows. After all, you can’t go flinging the name “Da-Da” around and then put
on some ordinary Peep Show. We were lucky enough to get a pre-show preview of this novel
attraction, but were occupied elsewhere while we were doing the show. Still, the Booth was a
tremendous draw, pulling in bewildered neighborhood residents as well as ADH “regulars.”
This space indeed oughta thank Helena Nolan & the whole Krewe for providing the whole
megilla. Thanx too due 2 the roster of performers: Anomaly a.k.a. Sadie Lune whose silvery-
suited gyrations created quite a furor– Anom’s abt. to do some traveling, but we’ll see her again
when she returns to Our Fair City sometime this Feb. (if she decides we deserve it), the Alpha
couple of the rusticated Po’bucket family, Spy Emerson & consort manic Moses, whose stint
demonstrated that the Path of True Love ne’er Did run Smooth (& could involve massive loss
of blood and other bodily fluids) –and, since every Vaudeville performance requires a funnyman,
Spiegelmania’s own madcap Mike Spiegelman… Meanwhile, inside the Ritzy jernt, KrOB ran the
cartoon– Red Hot Riding Hood– Tex Avery Rides Again! — we followed up with Pete Goldie’s
Astro-Science Roundup, & were starting, just after coming on stage, when– Flash! The cops were
there! Yes, the gendarmerie thot our Peep Show was a Menace– not so much to morals, tho’
that too– but mainly their fear that some swerving drunk might barrel off the street right into our
kurbside krowd, squashing patrons into unrecognizable shapes… No, nobody was standing in
the street– it was all decorous (for New Year’s) but that’s how cops think… Well, Chicken ran out
and smoothed their feathers. Gotta love this town… Then– well, it’s not too easy to remember
just what happened next– a swirling haze of celebratory mind-altering substances –and devices
–saw to that… But they say it was a pretty good episode of Ask Dr. Hal! Who they, you say? Hey?
How ’bout gad-about Sherilyn Connelly, or Sarah Goldie (née Szczechowicz)– those Goldies
must have great child-care –or night-clubbers August & Laird? Then there was Captain David
Doyle, late the quondam 1st Mate of the bonnie bouncing barque Whispering Si (get it?). We saw
Todd Curtis, our friendly fan Kaye, & Madeline (Bunnywhiskers) Boyle, who we promised we’d
take to sea in our beautiful pea-green boat on our next Nautical Adventure. There’s a lot to see on
some of those– just ask Justin Credible (& she is)! And we cuddled n’ canoodled with marvelous
Mici. But who’re we forgetting? Lots of folks, we’re betting.Let’s see, there was… Charles Gatewood,
outré photographer for ours & future ages, entertainer Eric Cash, oft mention’d in these pages,
approachable Melinda Adams, called by some Ms. Kitty, Carla Conaway– they both adorn this lucky
city. A certain Junkyard Siren’s laced-up corset left men gaspin’ –but we missed Robin Coomer,
off vacationing in Aspen. Robin got away to breathe that Rocky Mountain air– since she’s “the
Bomb,” is that why they complained of bomb threats there? We saw the phiz of Little Joe, who’s
seen us oft before, and couldn’t miss Big Daddy, taking tickets at the door, Stacy Meadows in a red-hot
dress that wouldn’t quit, Circe M. Fry-Gluck, who on our stage most fetchingly did sit– and… wait a
minute! –there was no gorilla this time– was there? (Why’d we eat three of those Memory-mangling
“Gage” baked Cookies– No! No ape, I’m fairly sure, thank you, but there was… a giant chicken! Yes!
Not that one, not our Ringmonster, Mister Rinaldi, but… well, while backstage, we got to help
delectable Dawn Stott into the (tight-fitting) chicken suit. Wotta good sport she is, sports fans… Flash!
Puzzling Evidence showed up and, as usual, shot (possibly incriminating) video of the goings on. Puzzo
puts ‘em right up– on You Tube– just scroll on down to some of the linx directly below, if’n you don’t
believe us… maybe that’ll help us remember what happened, what we did– we do remember languidly
lolling on the round bed in the corner after the show with exquisite Eva & her beautiful sister– Church
Air was liberally dispensed– We didn’t get hardly any –and that’s how we embarked on a whole new
year. Flash! Paul Pot finagled more than his share of Fenet out of an inadequately suspicious Chicken.
No, no, Flash wasn’t there, sillies. You’re not paying attention. At this time of year he’s surely got a big-
time bar-tending gig at some hi-toned bash. But we’re fairly confident we’ll be seeing him soon…
how ’bout you?
AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to
Puzzling Evidence, you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from
previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming!
And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there
in person! How? Why, just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs.
Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilirating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):
Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):
Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:
Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:
Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that
doesn’t work, just cut and paste it into your browser:
Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You
Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly
berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even
than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions.
Just go to:
See selected clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words. Go to:
The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For
those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow, check
out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video
clip from the ADH Pirate Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete
“Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi
McTaint. Go to:

More News

Ask Dr. Hal”s DOMINANT NINTH!

December 29th, 2008

Ask Dr. Hal’s Notable 9th!
=== HAPPY NEW YEAR!===
THE OLD YEAR PASSES– COME SALUTE THE COMING YEAR
…on the Last Night of 2008 ! ! ! ! !
WEDNESDAY, Dec. 31st!
==PRESENTED ON OUR ALL-NEW STAGE==
AT
The Famous Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
where SHOWTIME– more or less– BEGINS at around
=9:00 PM=
THE SLAPDOWN– Admission: $10 -ISH

3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.

THIS WEEK:
A S we cast away yet another year, when close friends gather
to make a more vivid stand against mortality, Ask Dr. Hal! and KrOB
present a stirring glimpse through aeons of Deep Time, whirling back
through cosmic cycles into the unfathomable Mysteries of the
Prehistoric past. Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a
fantastic primeval experience, when giant dinosaurs shook the earth
and Life walked hand in hand with Death. A young world, early in the
Morning of Time. Creatures… that sit… and wait. And Man. There are
not many Men yet– just a few tribes scattered across the face of the
wilderness. Superior to the creatures only in his cunning. Not to
mention Woman. She’s there too. Also, a dwarf, the shaman of the
tribe. The parents, the in-laws, the neighbors– you know, once you
add them all together you’ve got a thriving little community there.
And when they party, it goes on for hours and hours. You’ll see it all.
Brontosaurus– a moving mountain of flesh and bone. The mighty
sauropods of the Secondary Era. The lumbering, armored Stegosaurus,
of the ornithischian subgroup Thyreophora, or shield-bearers,
grotesquely adorned in his array of dorsal plates and caudal spikes.
The awesome carnivore Tyrannosaurus rex, one of cruel Nature’s most
fearsome monsters. The Earth erupts in Volcanic fury– and the
mountains fall. Oh, KrOB’s really pulled out all the stops with this one,
folks. You will gaze up at our giant screen in amazement, as you rush
through the temporal vortex, the fabric of the Universe splits asunder,
Time is annihilated– and earlier ages, long dead and buried, return
and live again. Also featuring a well-known Mexican comedian.

KrOB, San Francisco, Presents:
“ONE GODZILLION YEARS B.C.”
(Life-Forms of the Pre-Diluvian World)
…perhaps the Greatest KrOB “Edit.” EVER…

WE START… WITH A CLASSIC CARTOON!
Just before each performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon–
each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to film.
Last week we brought you, as promised, one of the best ever Max Fleischer
cartoons, the unforgettable Snow White (1933), directed for Dave Fleischer by
Roland Crandall. This week, our opening cartoon short is from MGM’s greatest
animation director, the legendary Tex Avery, called by many the King of
Cartoons. It’s Red Hot Riding Hood (1943). In 1994 it was voted #7 of The 50
Greatest Cartoons of all time by members of the animation field. The first of a
number of Avery’s similar cartoons which re-contextualize the story of Little Red
Riding Hood in the modern (mid-Twentieth Century) world, it has suffered over
the years from censorship problems; the overt, rampaging horniness of the
Wolf, the outrageous sexuality of Red, now a night-club singer, the over-the-top
desperation of man-chasing Grandma, and especially the suicide ending with
the Wolf blasting out his brains with not one but two guns at the same time
are details which have often caused the film to be mutilated or entirely suppressed.
Naturally, you won’t see the censor’s hand at work when we show it– we are, as
always, taking pains to give you the whole thing complete and uncut. Preston
Blair’s animation of the dancing, vamping Red is considered some of the best
character animation ever done. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you?
–in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s once flourishing
but now mostly vanished popular culture. Remember, our show will start right
up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on time!

“This sensual adaptation of the old fairy story soon liberates its principals from
their cute Disney-style forest and slaps them right in the middle of swanky
Manhattan. Grandma’s a nymphomaniac swinger, and her rustic cottage home
a hip penthouse pad. Little Red has become a red-hot singer-stripper; the Wolf
is a model of lupine lechery; and the forest is supplanted by a big-city nightclub
as the enchanted place of forbidden sexuality.”
–Big Cartoon Forum
“Stunningly inventive, brilliantly funny and subversive cartoon from a team… at
the height of their creative powers.”
–Paul Bevan

NEW YEAR’S EVE AT CHEZ POULET
Which is more important to you? Wednesday night– the night of Ask Dr. Hal!?
–or New Year’s Eve, the end of the last day of 2008? For it has come to pass in these
days, owing to the vagaries of the Gregorian Calendar, that both occupy the same
date. Now, perhaps you’re planning to be at some overcrowded, noisy,
ultra-expensive place where the New Year’s thing is running full blast, you have to
shout in the ear of the person next to you to be heard, and there’s no place to sit
down and even momentarily take a load off your poor, swollen feet. And if that’s your
cup of Gumbo, Bunky, then go for it! Come back and see us on one of our “regular”
nights. However, maybe you’d rather be with us tonight. After our show, you’ll still have
time to bolt out the door and race across town through streets dangerously crowded
with swerving drunks behind the wheel to get to whatever “high toned” swanky soirée
you feel is optimal. Joegh Bullock’s running another Anon Salon party, for example
(free publicity here) where even the DJ is paid more than ten grand. Of course you’ll
pay seventy-nine dollars ($79) American just to get in (ours is just the usual $10, or
whatever you can afford) and elbow your way through the sweaty crowd to the bar for a
stiff (-ly priced) drink. You know, it seems as if they may be trying to turn San Francisco
into New York over at Anon. But, so what? Money’ll be no object– after all, it’s only once
a year… Meanwhile, at our place, the cozy and convivial Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret,
you can settle in comfortably and hang with us as the year turns. KrOB will DJ and run
movie clips. There’ll be comfortable seating for all, so your pups won’t be a-barkin.’
Lift your Champagne glass high (you have to bring it– see below–) and/or line up under
the (printed-out picture of) mistletoe to smooch a bevy of beauties. And, if you’re at our
party, you can also…

VISIT OUR PORTABLE PEEP-SHOW BOOTH!
Helena Nolan brings us this special attraction. It’ll be in a truck parked right outside our
door. Just go on in and take a playful peek at the special Dada-ist Peep Show
thoughtfully provided. Some fun, huh, kids?

GUESS WHO? FRANK CHU!
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! At some time during our next show, and indeed
during every show, by special arrangement, the perennial protester/holy man, protest sign
grasped firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late, great
12 Galaxies night club was named, will ascend the stage once again– and deliver a rapid-fire,
impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. You can rely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says).
Go, Frank! We’ve even got him answering questions!

COMPUTER FREEBOOTER
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the
show progresses. To see what that means, you’ve got to watch the guy in
action. IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo
Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master Yo-Yo Manipulator
extraordinaire, keeps the show connected to the digital world, all the while
scheming to bilk Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can
receive, as they are rewarded in this curious fashion for their excellence and
entertainment value. What a sense of humor the guy has. But we guess you
really have to be there to appreciate this. So, be there!

FOR PETE’S SAKE! SPACE IS THE PLACE!
Learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin Pete Goldie provokes and stimulates with
his unrivaled Stellar Peep-Show. Yes, these are gorgeous Heavenly Bodies,
Ladies and Germs, nakedly exposed against the velvet curtain of Space,
burning and blazing in the depths of Eternal Night. A quondam NASA consultant,
Pete’s also a raconteur, artificer and craftsman, and a delver into mysteries of
Natural Philosophy. The well-known bon vivant and astro-science specialist gives
us astonishing pictures from worlds never before viewed by human eyes–
containing information on Outer Space and what may be found there. He’s got a
nifty little model of the Cassini-Huygens Probe that you’ll see at the show, the
amazing, far-travelling spacecraft that our pal Paul Pot perpetually toils over, refining
its intricacies. Yes, something’s always happening in Space these days– and sure
as Entropy, Pete’s going to be telling each and every one of us al-l-l-l about it.

CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new
location: my living room. It’s 4 guys doing improv on 4 different
levels. It can be amazing.”

NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!
So there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? We don’t do the show in a bar any
more, so, it’s OK to drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of
course, good questions will still be rewarded in the traditional manner– with that
old standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how Paul Pot and
David “Cappy” Capurro do it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink
at Ask Dr. Hal!

THE ASK DR. HAL! SHOW - FEATURING FRANK CHU - CHICKEN JOHN - DR. HAL - KrOB -
PETE GOLDIE - DAVID CAPURRO - ALL QUESTIONS CHEERFULLY ANSWERED - BARDIC
RECITATIONS - FERNET GIVEAWAYS - CARTOONS - KrOB MONSTER CLIP EDITS - WITH
OUR VERY SPECIAL GUESTS THOSE ROOF-DWELLING HILLBILLIES THE “PO’BUCKETS”
DONATION TEN DOLLARS OR SO - AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN COME - OUR DOORMAN
ROBERT LEVY WILL GLOM YOUR DOUGH AS YOU CROSS OUR THRESHOLD. BE HERE
FOR NEW YEAR’S. COME ALL, COME ONE, NEW SHOW, NEW RUN…

SOCIAL NOTES
At this, the changing of the year
We raise aloft a cup of cheer
To all our friends at Chez Poulet
Who come to see us each Wednesday,
And even those who’ve not yet tried
Our show where it now does abide:
To Amacker Bullwinkle, we
Extend our best felicity,
Angela Knowles we toast as well,
And to Amanda Jensen’s spell;
Ariela Morgenstern
and Attaboy commend in turn,
Baba Lou Orlowski too
And Baby Doe– we think of you.
Of Barbara Traub and Barbara Fried
We’ll sing the praises far and wide;
We Becky Stevenson adore
And send our love unto Blake More,
Chris Campbell, and to Robert Burke,
And Elwyn Crawford, nor shall shirk
To hail Chris Carney, fellow showman,
Christian Lunch and Donna Bowman,
Delectable Dawn Stott, Claire Mack,
David Doyle and D.S. Black,
Deb Sherman, Dee Dee Russell, Hollis,
Danny Girl and Ena Dallas,
Danny Rathbun, enciente Nieves,
Kelek, who’s Becky S.’s sis,
Simon Cheffins, Dominic Reo
And Karen, Edith Harbaugh, Leo,
Dixie de la Tour and Rusty
Blazenhoff, Silke Tudor, trusty
Duncan D’nuts and Alex O’Leary;
Of Freddi Price we’re never weary.
Lilli, too, gets our attention,
Nor would we forget to mention
Ed Holmes, known as Bishop Joey,
Eileen Hassi, distant Cloe,
Gabrielle, bartender Flash,
Francine Bennett, Eric Cash,
Frank Chu and his protest sign,
David Capurro and his twine,
Harley Dubois and Heather Vescent,
Helena Stoddard (always pleasant),
Katy Bell, Kimric, Kellita,
Helena Nolan, June, Anita,
Jascha Ephraim, Georgia Axton,
Tend’rest bartender, Jean Blacksten,
Jenner, Windy, fair Jess Bruder,
Jim Fourniadis, that square-shooter,
Erin of the Dark Room; no one’s
Leaving out Cameron Eng, Sean Owens,
Joegh Bullock, John Hell and Jim Mason,
John Law, Joyful Simpson; hasten
To include Jon Alloway
Justin Credible, Janay
Growden (and her brother Mark)
And Krista Bray; we shall remark
KrOB, forever at his station,
Lady Bee, desert sensation,
Larry Harvey in his Stetson,
Lena Strayhorn, and our bet’s on
Fetching Lera Boroditsky
Whether we toast in wine or whiskey.
Let us also praise Jaye Spencer,
Linda Robertson, Lynn Rubenzer,
Louise Jarmilowicz, Mary P.
And M.I. Blue, Violet, Mieke,
Aaron and Bronwyn Ximm, the Ximlet
And who else? Our mind is dim-lit.
Now with vodka mix’d with Red Bull
Watch us drink to Justin Cred’ble,
Leslie Sternbergh, A. Alexander,
Puzzling Evidence, commander
Of Radio’s concealed attraction,
and Anna Fitch of “Extra Action.”
Brian Goggin too we toast,
Marlowe Riley, and we host
All good thoughts for our Marcia Crosby,
Melissa Margolis, and toss we
Down –why not? –just one more “quickie,”
To both Shirleys, John and Micky,
Mark Bodé, his good wife Molly,
Even Michael Heath, by golly,
Michael Peppe, Miriam, Momo
Mr. Lucky, major-domo
of all that’s cool, laid back and retro,
Mikl-em, Danielle E. and Pietro.
Molitov Malcontent, Mongoloid,
Monica Maduro, Boyd,
Rick Abruzzo, Annie Coulter,
Cabbie Johnny, Carla Holder,
Dr. Monkey, Pamela Holm
And Paul Pot too– we will extol ‘em.
As well, Astronomer Pete Goldie
And Sarah Szczechowicz extolled be,
Little Daria included,
To find of drink our glass denuded.
Then let us down at least one stirrup
cup in praise of Mable Syrup,
Rhiannon Charisse, Perstephanie,
Phineas Narco, Phillip, Tiffany,
Philo Drummond, Ivan Stang,
Wei and the whole SubGenius gang,
Phoenix, Jenny Jo and kids,
Mark Mcgothigan– thanks for the “vids,”
Miriam too, Adams (Melinda)
Rachel Weidinger and Cynda,
Bug Girl, Kaye, that kute Kate Willett–
Watch out! You nearly made me spill it!
Reeling now, our thirst we drown,
Tossing another bumper down
To Robert Levy, Reverend Billy,
Ron Turner and “Mission St. Willie,”
Jen Alexander, Kiko Aumond,
Jessy Face, of whom we’re so fond,
Phil Darnowsky, Robin Frohardt
And Scott Beale– for them, we’ll go for’t.
Lori Dorn as well we’re praising,
Rosanna Scimeca– amazing!
And Zoli, of him there’s no carbon
Copy, likewise Sarah Harbin,
Spy Emerson and consort Moses
And little Lucky– each who knows us.
We’ll drink now to that true sensation
Robin Coomer of Loop! Station,
Who makes all our senses tingle
As aloft her pure notes mingle
With Sam Bass’s talking Cello,
And to that engaging fellow
Rudy Rucker, Rudy Jr.
And Sylvia; now with me do tune your
Voice in song, in praise of Solar–
To the heavens we’ll extol her–
While we drain one more Martini
To Winston Smith or Tom Fannini,
Steven Ra$pa, King of Bunnies,
Jamie Pickard and other honeys:
Susan Staley, Tarin Towers,
Ty McKenzie– and our powers
Fail at adding here a homily
Fit for Sadie, called Anomaly.
Uriah Findley let us mention,
Bobby Peru and our intention
‘S not to forget our ol’ pal Tyler,
An’ Vicki Olds– what a beguiler.
Sonjia Miles as well– where is she?
Must sit down– We’re getting dizzy–
But we remember Geoffrey Smart,
Raechel Velouria and Bart,
Violet, Extra Action’s drummer
And comely Burkes– they call her Summer,
Shannon and Kathy, Susie the Floozie,
Who-oops! That las’ one was a doozy.
We’ll toast, with o-o-ne more shot of rye,
Spain Rodriguez– what a guy–
Paul Mavrides, Mimi Heft,
And Zero Boy– we know we left
Out far too many, thereby sinnin’
But the room just won’ stop spinnin’.
Oh, yeah– We’ll pile just one more on
to raise a glass to Chicken John.
So Happy New Year, one and all,
As off along the floor we crawl.
And if we die right now, that’s fine–
We’ll never miss Two Thousand Nine.

AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to
Puzzling Evidence, you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from
previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming!
And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there
in person! How? Why, just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs.

Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJO2i73RR-Y&feature=channel

Behold the second half of the excerpt of the show on December 24th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJeYyZ7jG9k&feature=channel

Scope out outre out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRIJURy6mpg&feature=channel

View tantalizing excerpts from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SO-KGmQgvI&feature=channel

See excerpts from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that doesn’t
work just cut and paste it into your browser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_QToZF1LrA

Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You
Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly
berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even
than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions.
Just go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NVLPHyiExc

Peer at clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words. Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixlk8linoEs

The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For
those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow, check
out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video
clip from the ADH Pirate Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete
“Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi
McTaint. Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrfFcbcmo9I&feature=email

See you Wednesday night!

More News

ASK DR. HAL’S 8th Note!

December 22nd, 2008
COME CELEBRATE WITH US OUR MUSHROOMING
CHRISTMAS EVE SHOW!
WEDNESDAY, Dec. 24th!
It’s Time to Come and Visit a Popular Favorite Again
The Night Before Christmas…
==PRESENTED ON OUR ALL-NEW STAGE==
                                   AT
The Famous Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
And… ANNOUNCING OUR
ANNUAL HOLIDAY SHOW!
–OUR  22nd CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
ON DECEMBER 25th
The Night of Christmas Day!
DEC. 24th - Ask Dr. Hal!
DEC. 25th - Christmas Show !
FOR  DETAILS, SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE BOTTOM–
JUST BELOW THE PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE LINK ARRAY…
                        THIS WEEK:
A T a time when all rejoice at the peak of the Holiday Season with
expressions and celebrations of love and good will for all humanity,
KrOB opens his heart and celebrates by bringing Yuletide cheer to
you and yours in his own joyous, Seasonal way, with
“WHEN GIANT TRAP-DOOR
SPIDERS ATTACK!”
MONSTROUSLY ENLARGED, FEROCIOUS SUBTERRANEAN
ARACHNIDS BURST FORTH TO ASSAIL HUMAN VICTIMS
Trap-door spiders make up the family Ctenizidae of the order Araneae.
The species common in the southwestern United States is classified as
Bothriocyrtum californicum. However, these are only distant relations to
certain huge mutants living entirely underground in a system of deep
caverns in Mexico. And, Pilgrim, these are deep caverns that you
probably would rather stay away from. no? Also, don’t drink the water.
So, this Christmas Eve, come to our show, settle in and enjoy the scuttling,
scrambling horror of KrOB’s unbearably creepy Spider edit. Of course, as
always, we advise those who may be overly sensitive to such material to turn
away their heads or shade their eyes during the interval when these
oversized megalomorphs swing into action. It’s “showbiz,” pure and simple–
great entertainment for young and old– and it’s all happening right here–
                               AT THE FAMED
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
where SHOWTIME “ALWAYS” BEGINS AT
     =9:00 PM=
WE MEAN IT THESE DAYS– WE REALLY DO…
THE SLAPDOWN
Admission to the Ask Dr. Hal! show in its newest form? That’s
                          $10 -ISH
                                               C  H  E  A  P  !
WE START…  WITH A CLASSIC CARTOON!
Just before each performance begins, we screen a great animated
cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever
committed to film. Last week we showed one of the Walt Disney Studio’s
rarely seen Wartime propaganda cartoons, Reason and Emotion (1943),
directed for Disney by Bill Roberts. This week we bring you another of the
all-time greatest cartoons, the truly wonderful Snow White (1933). Not
Walt Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs– in any case that’s a
Feature-length cartoon (the first in history, in fact, but let’s not “go there,” as
they (regrettably) say. No, this is a short film in the Betty Boop series from
the Max Fleischer cartoon studio. Max’s brother Dave was credited as
director, although virtually all the animation was done by Roland Crandall.
As a reward for his years of work at the Fleischer studio, Crandall was
given the job to make Snow White himself, and the resulting film turned out
to transcend the project and even, in some blissed-out way, the limitations of
the animation medium. Bizarre, melancholy and morbid, it’s also one of the
musically greatest of all cartoon shorts. Cab Calloway’s unforgettable version
of St. James Infirmary Blues becomes the cartoon’s centerpiece, in a
non-linear story which amazingly seems to overcome evil and death. Kind of
a major load for a silly-ass little cartoon to carry, you’re undoubtedly thinking
(if you’ve never seen it, that is), but just wait till you see it. It’s been deemed
“culturally significant” by the United States Library of Congress, after all,
and preserved in the National Film Registry. In 1994 it was voted #19 of the
50 Greatest Cartoons of All Time by members of the animation field. And,
since this film is now in public domain, it’s even legal for KrOB to show it.
(You did know, didn’t you, that most of the stuff we show is illegal?) There
are Christian Fundamentalist groups, so-called Evangelicals, who’ve called
the movie “Satanic.” And it doesn’t stop there, because, throughout the years,
various censors and psychologists have suppressed this little film, or worse,
marred it with cuts of “disturbing” scenes, such as the one in which the Evil
Queen, in transmogrified Monster Form, is grabbed by the tongue (by Ko-Ko
the Clown) and yanked completely inside out, bones, guts and all. Whew!
Oh yes, there’s a lot of great stuff packed into the incredibly short running length
of this cartoon– and we are as always taking pains to give you the whole thing
complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night in time to catch up with
yet another treasure of your Nation’s vanished popular culture. Remember,
our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on
time!
“I’m telling you; these guys MUST have been on acid who wrote and drew
some of these early Betty Boop cartoons! They are so wild, it’s unbelievable.”
                                                                                       –ccthemovieman
GUESS WHO? FRANK CHU!
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! At some time during every show,
by special arrangement, the perennial protester/holy man, protest sign grasped
firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late,
great 12 Galaxies night club was named, will ascend the stage once again–
and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. You can
rely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says). Go, Frank! We’ve even got him
answering questions!
COMPUTER FREEBOOTER
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the
show progresses. To see what that means, you’ve got to watch the guy in
action. As “Cappy’s” agile fingers fly over the keyboard you will be unable to
avoid the horrendous, stomach-churning, hyper-pornographic results, all
part of some sort of Multi-Media Experience…
FOR PETE’S SAKE! SPACE IS THE PLACE!
Our own resident Astronomer, Pete Goldie gives us information on Outer
Space and what may be found there. He’s got a nifty little model of the
Cassini-Huygens Probe that you’ll see at the show, the amazing, far-travelling
spacecraft that just this last week detected conditions favorable for organic
life on Saturn’s mysterious moon, Titan. Something’s always happening in
Space these days– and sure as Entropy, Pete’s going to be telling us al-l-l-l
about it.
CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new
location: my living room. It’s 4 guys doing improv on 4 different
levels. It can be amazing.”
NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!
So there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? We don’t do the show in a bar any
more, so it’s OK to drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of
course, good questions will still be rewarded in the traditional manner– with that
old standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s the one way you
can still get a drink at Ask Dr. Hal!
WEB SITE
Visit www.askdrhal.com for more information than you need.
THE ASK DR. HAL! SHOW - FEATURING FRANK CHU - CHICKEN JOHN - DR. HAL - KrOB -
PETE GOLDIE - DAVID CAPURRO - ALL QUESTIONS CHEERFULLY ANSWERED - BARDIC
RECITATIONS - FERNET GIVEAWAYS - CARTOONS - KrOB MONSTER CLIP EDITS - WITH
OUR VERY SPECIAL GUESTS THOSE ROOF-DWELLING HILLBILLIES THE “PO’BUCKERS”
DONATION TEN DOLLARS OR SO - AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN COME - OUR DOORMAN
ROBERT LEVY WILL GLOM YOUR DOUGH AS YOU CROSS OUR THRESHOLD. COME ALL,
COME ONE, NEW SHOW, NEW RUN…
SOCIAL NOTES
The Ukulele- playing Wahines never did show up. Chicken thinks some other venue musta
offered ‘em a few more Coconuts. Could be– but they missed one helluva show. And wotta
crowd– some of our most faithful attendees showed up, incl. “Gentleman” Geoffrey Smart,
Jaunty John Law, who was, well, drunk, & pugnacious Paul the Plumber, who was drunk-er.
Right around the time ol’ Paul (passed out?) disappeared from the scene, an enraged gorilla
showed up. This was no brazen Brazilian Astronaut (as far as we could tell, Kiko “Kong” was
at home, squeezing his main squeeze Juniper-fresh Jennalex), but an enraged & steamed
simian who “acted out,” slamming into Ringmonster “Cheerful” Chicken John’s desk, nearly
pushing it over and sending all the objects thereon crashing to the floor of the good ol’ Chez
Poulet Gallery-Cabaret. We’ll readily forgive krazy Kiko 4 staying away, but the angry aggro
Ape oughta lay off th’ sauce– that’s how it looks from here in the press box… Fearless Frank
Chu did make the scene– he got his Soapbox Moment, & we hope there’ll be many more…
The National Cynical Network’s own Phinicky Phineas Narco emerged from his Fortress of
Solitude up N. way to motor all the way down to Ess Eff 4 our No. 7 ADH. Phabulous Phinny
(a.k.a. Joltin’ James Scianna) helms radio’s amazing Plundercasts every week–  we know the
pressures of a weakly p’formance date– oh, yes, we do — so kudos, whatever they are, to Mr.
Narco for spending the time to take in our shindig. For full info on his shows, check out
www.plundercast.net and get into the listening habit. Radio’s Posterboy Puzzling Evidence
of KPFA 94.1 FM’s same-named, long running 2-hr. ea-arly a.m. xtravaganza was also pres-
ent & accounted for. Nota bene: puissant P.E. celebrated 25 years on the air this year, along
w/ Phelonious Philo Drummond & ADH’s own demented Dr. Howland Owll, & so much for the
standard plug-ola… Readers of this col. know persistent Puzzo’s been shooting assorted mini-
docs of our show which he then puts up for daring display on You Tube. Wanna see ‘em? Well,
click on the links below– way below –there’s a new one each time we go to press… Red-hot
rockster Lloyd Mongoloid of Cookie Mongoloid fame was also in the house… watta gaggle of
gadabouts… the place was as full of stars as one of pedantic Pete Goldie’s Slide Shows. Take
ravishing Robin Coomer, f’rinstance (& if we could we’d die happy), supernal singer (with studly
Sam Bass) of supergroup Loop! Station– the talented duo have a new CD on the cusp of
being born– resplendent Robin cheered us on & gyrated during our 2-Minute Dance Party, an
institution founded a few sessions back by enchanting Ena Dallas… There were delectable dolls
everywhere you looked; we noted kurvaceous Kate Willett (& why not? She lives @ Chicken’s),
meritorious Mable Syrup w/ scion rhapsodic Rhiannon Charisse of the Dark Room Theatre–
have you seen their version of Star Wars on stage, approved by nonother than generous George
Lucas himself? –languid Laurel Davies, of TV’s legendary Bohemian Bug Girl Show, kinky
Kaye, & statuesque Simone Oumpeade… The Boys’ Team included rampant Rick Abruzzo,
gadabout Gary Longoria, & of course pushy Paul Pot, whose intricate work on the Cassini-
Huygens Probe never ceases. He just finished a re-do on the spiffy spacecraft’s deep-gain
antenna. By the time he’s through it’ll be as launch-worthy as its real-life namesake. And the
after-party took its time leaving the snug Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, as if nobody really
even wanted to leave. As for us, we plan to be there for awhile. That’s right! Now that we’re
booking the show ourselves, in its own performance space, no harried rock club owner
(& for the record I don’t mean our devoted, doughty Doorman, reliable Robert Levy, late of our
last venue, the late, great 12 Galaxies, named by frantic Frank Chu) –can “suddenly” recall that
one of our show dates is preempted by a thoughtlessly booked Pooveshterz concert, benefit for
a Wistful Sexual Predator’s Bicycle Contretemps or other seemingly more profitable
enterprise… It (the Show) goes on the boards every dad-blamed Wednesday at 9:00 PM, and
that’s the way the confectionery crumbles. Here at Chicken John Productions we like to keep
in mind that some of you have a need…  a need to catch the la-a-a-st B.A.R.T. train at 12:17 AM
from the 24th St. Mission Station back to the wilds of the East Bay. Translation: these days we
start earlier. And end earlier, too.Yes, we’ve been known to hold the door for latecomers. Just
don’t depend on it. So try to get there before 9:00 PM, wontcha, or you might miss the cartoon
(which wd. be a tragedy), or come in while it’s unreeling, so’s others get distracted & don’t get to
see it. Then we’ll all just hate you…
AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx
to Puzzling Evidence, you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from
previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s technologically
au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there in person! How?
Why, just click on these handy URLs.
See tantalizing excerpts from our December 10th show! Try clicking on this:
         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SO-KGmQgvI&feature=channel
See excerpts from our December 3rd show! Click on this, or, if that doesn’t
work just cut and paste it into your browser:
         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_QToZF1LrA
View choice fragments from our November 26th show on You
Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly
berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even
than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions.
Just go to:
         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NVLPHyiExc
See clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words. Go to:
         http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixlk8linoEs
The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For
those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow, check
out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video
clip from the ADH Pirate Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete
“Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi
McTaint. Go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrfFcbcmo9I&feature=email
See you Wednesday night!
LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK!
A   C H R I S T M A S   M E S S A G E    F R O M
        C H I C K E N   J O H N . . .
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Chicken John to do 22nd
Stupid Christmas Show!
ADMISSION $10.00 AT THE DOOR
SAN FRANCISCO - Chicken John, noted idiot, started a tradition
back in 1986. He threw a Christmas show, on Christmas Night– for
people who didn’t have families, or had them but couldn’t be with
them for whatever reason. Call it Orphan Christmas.
   The show started out as a punk rock show with music and other
stuff. In the early 90’s it became a variety show. In 1997, with partner
Hal Robins (the Ask Dr.Hal! show, SubGenius Foundation, voice of
Half-Life’s Isaac Kleiner) it became a homegrown version of a popular
Chuck Barris Game Show: Treasure Hunt. In the show Treasure Hunt,
you answer a trivia question, and if you get it right you get to select a
wrapped present. You open it, and keep whatever was in the box.
   Chicken adopted this concept, but put the gifts under a “Christmas
Tree” (usually a mike stand with a branch duct taped to it). But the twist
is that Chicken gets people to bring the wrapped gifts. So, say,
someone may come with a whole pick up truckload of gifts. The pile is
often, in fact, very high.
   The show starts at 10PM. The show ends when the last gift is opened
(which was after 3AM last year). It’s really a marathon of unendurable
comic improv, as Chicken and Hal drag everyone on stage to answer
Trivial Pursuit questions and fill the Chez Poulet with gift wrappings and
Holiday bullshit. Some gifts are stellar, some a joke. Some are just
confusing. Best present to date was a ticket to Burning Man. The worst–
a dirty diaper.
   Others have been an entire set of encyclopedias, various items of small
furniture, comic books, fake Rolex watches, “sea monkeys,” cat food, a
diary, original artwork, a paddle-ball game, a bubble-blower, a set of
car keys, a laptop, a bag of weed, pictures of your mother naked, a
parking ticket (payable), fun-sized candy, a coupon for a hand job, a
Ritual Roasters Coffee coupon, garbage bags and a Slinky. It wouldn’t be
Christmas if someone didn’t get a Slinky, would it? So, on Christmas Night,
come over to the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret.Your family is all of us
who also have no families. And if you weren’t going to get to unwrap a gift
this year– well, Chicken’s got you covered. God bless us all. Everyone. Even
KrOB…
                                   THAT’S
“The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas,” Year 22!
  (Also known as, “The Year Chicken John Ruined Christmas”)
DECEMBER 25th– Christmas Night, 10 PM.
ADMISSION TEN ($10) DOLLARS AMERICAN– YOU
SHOULD BRING A PRESENT — YOU WILL LEAVE
WITH A PRESENT…
So, it’s like this…
DECEMBER 24th: The Ask Dr. Hal! Show. DECEMBER 25th:
The 22nd Annual Christmas Show. Come to both!

More News

ASK DR. HAL’S 8th Note!

December 22nd, 2008

More News

ASK DR. HAL’S 7th Heaven!

December 16th, 2008
THIS WEEK:
Ukulele Apocalypse!
BEWITCHING MYSTERY GUEST, GRASS-SKIRT CLAD WAHINE,
TO ENTERTAIN WITH SENSUAL, SULTRY STRUMMING AND
HIP-SWINGING AT THIS LATEST ITERATION OF ASK DR.HAL!
The Horrendous Hydra– KrOB
Moves to Mythology with
“When Sanguinary 7-Headed
Serpents Sinuously Slither!”
Swamp-dwelling Multi-headed Monstrosity
Sure to be the Hit of Holiday Season!
WE START…  WITH A CLASSIC CARTOON!
Just before each performance begins, we screen a great animated
cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever
committed to film. Last week we showed the sublime Porky Pig adventure,
Porky in Wackyland (1938). This week KrOB proudly presents one of the
Walt Disney Studio’s rarely seen wartime propaganda cartoons, Reason and
Emotion (1943), directed for Disney by Bill Roberts. In this interesting film,
we’re taken inside the human head, male and female, to see the “operator,”
the little guy inside (literally) at the controls of the human personality.
Actually, according to the cartoon, each head contains two of these little
characters, each vying for the driver’s seat. We’ll say no more here, except
that once again we’ll encounter the star of one of our earlier cartoons, the late
German Dictator, Adolf Hitler. Boy, that guy really gets around, doesn’t he?
Though Reason and Emotion has frequently been shown only as excerpts
in surveys about propaganda films (when it has been shown at all) we plan
to give you the whole thing complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday
night in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s vanished
popular culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment
the cartoon ends. Hitler would want you to be late, wouldn’t he? So be on time!
SOCIAL NOTES
And so, the 6th Episode of Ask Dr. Hal! took place, & once more the venerable Chez Poulet
Gallery-Cabaret sported the veritable cream of the outré elite. Nighthawks & café society,
saints & sinners, swells & habitués of late-night haunts– all found their way to the (almost)
red-painted building looming over colorful Cesar Chavez Street, among them manly Marco
Casserole, sizzling Sarah Szczechowicz, tautological Tabula Rasa, gadabout Gary
Longoria & martinet Marc… Long-time call-in caller to radio show(s) “jinglebells” Jeff showed
his familiar phiz, while dashing Duncan D’nuts, with alouette Alex O’Leary on his arm, was
among the 1st to show… No-nonsense Neiltron, kurvaceous Kate Willett, who helped me
organize some welcome last-minute pre-show Java (the beverage, not the software), turned-out
Tarin Towers & torrid Ty McKenzie, fine artist luscious Lynn Rubenzer, who defrayed her
KrOB Moment citing health concerns, & Eeasy-on-the-eyes Ena Dallas of the Xtra Action
Marching Band Flag Team, who was squired by lucky dawg rock-steady Roky Roulette,
infused beauty & liveliness to our after-hours crowd…Radiant Robin Coomer of music
sensation Loop! Station was definitely, delightfully present; have you yet encountered her
adorable rock ‘n roll alter-ego pert Patsy McDonald, & heard her band (with engaging Eric
McFadden), ShakeWell? Then there was peripatetic Paul Pot, Keeper of the model Cassini-
Huygens spacecraft; each session that gizmo gets more fine work done on it at home in
proud Paul’s avionic Adytum… Regal Robert Levy, dedicated Doorkeeper, raked in sacks of
simoleons… Puissant Puzzling Evidence of eponymous KPFA 94.1 FM radio renown, who,
in case you haven’t noticed, has been shooting assorted mini-docs of our show which he
then puts up for daring display on You Tube. Wanna see ‘em? Well, click on the links below
this col. –there’s a new one each time we go to press… Haughty Hagula barely gave us the
time of day– what we get 4 asking her, we suppose… Devoted Don Bruce & tractable Tracy
Feldstein, artificers & Patrons of the Arts, hung out on Hef’s– whoops! –make that Dammit
the Wonder Dog’s round bed in the corner. The divine Dammit herself was tucked away
behind the scenes, seeming lonely when we visited her… Odeon Cocaine All-Stars
drummer, crusty Chris Campbell, brought us a crown-like chapeau, a gift sent just for us
from his better half, Point Arena poet-performer bodacious Blake “Sushi Me” More, p’rhaps
to mark our recent (Nov. 28th) B’day– much appreciated, youse guys. We hope bountiful Blake’ll
visit us again soon, no mistake… Gallivanting Gavin Newsom showed off a few (too many) of his
YouTube State of the City segments (yaw-w-w-n-n-n)… Luvbirdz admirable Aaron & Bohemian
Bronwyn Ximm found childcare for the x-quisite Ximlet & set out to see us… Redoubtable R. T.
Wadsworth of Nixon, Nevada stopped in, but he didn’t stay; at least we didn’t see him toward
the conclusion of the eve– get his ten bucks, Robert? What was that alla bout? Someone clue
me… We did note that our own persistent Pete Goldie brought in a special visitor who did, ’s
far’s we know, make it all the way thru– his mom, marvellous Marguerite
Garges-Goldie-Pixley-White. Proud Pete secured her a special seat… The roof-dwelling
hillbillies were back, having successfully put down a major mouse insurrection up in their spare
digs. They brought a clip of their own– showing li’l “Lancelot” Lucky confronting & slaying a truly
monstrous fanged specimen lurking in the family’s gas oven. Ma & Pa, slinky Spy Emerson &
man-about-town Moses, the show’s own “Dancing Outlaw,” proudly inserted the tidbit into
KrOB’s video stream as their contribution. At least this time they didn’t burst upon the scene
interrupting the Classical symmetry of Pete Goldie’s presentation… A new feature has been
added to our show that you’ll no doubt see more of in future episodes– the Two Minute Dance
Party. Effervescent Ena intro’d it in her question, & suddenly the joint was jumping with gyrating
gents & lovely ladies, while strobes flashed & the Disco Ball spun shards of reddish light over all…
Even formidable Frank Chu got into the spirit… There was a mini-version of the same during the
after-party… Nobody, it seemed, wanted to leave, though the show proper had ended. As for
us, we plan to be there for awhile. That’s right! Now that we’re booking the show ourselves, in
its own performance space, no harried rock club owner (& for the record I don’t mean our
doughty Doorman, reliable Robert Levy, late of our last venue, the late, great 12 Galaxies,
named by fearless Frank Chu) –can “suddenly” recall that one of our show dates is preempted
by a thoughtlessly booked Pimpslappz concert, benefit for a Wistful Sexual Predator’s Bicycle
Boondoggle or other seemingly more profitable enterprise… It (the Show) goes on the boards
every dog-goned Wednesday at 9:00 PM, and that’s the way the ball bounces. Here at Chicken
John Productions we keep in mind that some of you have a need…  a need to catch the
la-a-a-st B.A.R.T. train at 12:17 AM from the 24th St. Mission Station back to the wilds of the East
Bay. Translation: these days we start earlier. We really do, tho’ we’ve been known to hold the door
for latecomers. Just don’t depend on it. So try to get there before 9:00 PM, wontcha, or you might
miss the cartoon, or come it while it’s going, so’s others get distracted & don’t get to see it…
A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE FROM CHICKEN JOHN…
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Chicken John to do 22nd
Stupid Christmas Show!
ADMISSION $10.00 AT THE DOOR
SAN FRANCISCO - Chicken John, noted idiot, started a tradition
back in 1986. He threw a Christmas show, on Christmas Night– for
people who didn’t have families, or had them but couldn’t be with
them for whatever reason. Call it Orphan Christmas.
   The show started out as a punk rock show with music and other
stuff. In the early 90’s it became a variety show. In 1997, with partner
Hal Robins (the Ask Dr.Hal! show, SubGenius Foundation, voice of
Half-Life’s Isaac Kleiner) it became a homegrown version of a popular
Chuck Barris Game Show: Treasure Hunt. In the show Treasure Hunt,
you answer a trivia question, and if you get it right you get to select a
wrapped present. You open it, and keep whatever was in the box.
   Chicken adopted this concept, but put the gifts under a “Christmas
Tree” (usually a mike stand with a branch duct taped to it). But the twist
is that Chicken gets people to bring the wrapped gifts. So, say,
someone may come with a whole pick up truckload of gifts. The pile is
often, in fact, very high.
   The show starts at 10PM. The show ends when the last gift is opened
(which was after 3AM last year). It’s really a marathon of unendurable
comic improv, as Chicken and Hal drag everyone on stage to answer
Trivial Pursuit questions and fill the Chez Poulet with gift wrappings and
Holiday bullshit. Some gifts are stellar, some a joke. Some are just
confusing. Best present to date was a ticket to Burning Man. The worst–
a dirty diaper.
   Others have been an entire set of encyclopedias, various items of small
furniture, comic books, fake Rolex watches, “sea monkeys,” cat food, a
diary, original artwork, a paddle-ball game, a bubble-blower, a set of
car keys, a laptop, a bag of weed, pictures of your mother naked, a
parking ticket (payable), fun-sized candy, a coupon for a hand job, a
Ritual Roasters Coffee coupon, garbage bags and a Slinky. It wouldn’t be
Christmas if someone didn’t get a Slinky, would it? So, on Christmas Night,
come over to the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret.Your family is all of us
who also have no families. And if you weren’t going to get to unwrap a gift
this year– well, Chicken’s got you covered. God bless us all. Everyone. Even
KrOB…
                                   THAT’S
“The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas,” Year 22!
  (Also known as, “The Year Chicken John Ruined Christmas”)
DECEMBER 25th– Christmas Night, 10 PM.
ADMISSION TEN ($10) DOLLARS AMERICAN
So, it’s like this…
DECEMBER 24th: The Ask Dr. Hal! Show. DECEMBER 25th:
The 22nd Annual Christmas Show. Come to both!
                           ALSO
Be our Guest– on NEW YEAR’S EVE!
Ring in 2009 the right way– with Chicken and Hal!
DECEMBER 31st– Until after Midnight!
Watch this space for news about our New Year’s Eve Chez Poulet
Extravaganza! If you were fretting about “where you wanted to
be” that night, fret no longer! It’ll be the slam-bangety-est, most
chaotic New Year’s Eve Event in town! You’re invited!

More News

ASK DR. HAL’S Sixth Sense!

December 8th, 2008

SIXTH SMASH WEEK!
ASK DR. HAL! Sails On–
A S. F. HOLIDAY TRADITION!
WEDNESDAY, Dec. 10th!
It’s Time to Come and Visit a Popular Favorite Again
=====SEE OUR ALL-NEW STAGE========
AT
The Famous Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness.

Just on the edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.

ANNOUNCING:

TWO SPECIAL EXTRA HOLIDAY SHOWS!
OUR 22nd CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

OUR NEW YEAR’S EXTRAVAGANZA!
FOR  DETAILS, SCROLL ALL THE WAY DOWN

TO THE BOTTOM–  PAST THE OBITUARIES.

THIS WEEK:

DOWN FROM THE SKIES– KrOB
Brings YOU the Skinny on
“WHEN EXTRATERRESTRIALS
ATTACK EARTH!”
Ruthless Aggressors from Other Star
Systems Bomb, Strafe Planet’s Cities
–Just in time for the Holiday Season!
Last week KrOB took us to a certain lost prehistoric island, where
swimming scorpiopedes, venomous aquatic centipede descendants,
(just) manage to co-exist with a freshwater fish as large as a whale, the
ambush predator Piranhadon titanus. Pretty scary, eh? This whole bit,
about being attacked by (usually quite exotic) animals, though offered
up by us weekly in the spirit of all fun, nonetheless pushes certain hard-
wired evolutionary buttons. As rational thought on the matter should
make plain, any animals should be more afraid of humans than vice
versa, if you look at the record so far… But… what if we were the
“animals,” lower in the hierarchical tier than we usually find (or place)
ourselves? What if there were Powers surpassing ours as we dominate
the brutes on our (and their) own planet? How would it feel? Not good, is
our answer. And KrOB’s been itching to put this one up on the big screen
for quite some time. This Wednesday he gets his chance. Watch as the Aliens, the Space People, the Sky Gods or what have you, put us in the
unenviable position of those poor moose (meece?) and wolves facing a
terrifying and inexplicable doom– being blasted from above by
Sarah Palin from a helicopter. You know, this might be the scariest
KrOB “edit” yet! We advise those who may be overly sensitive to such
material to turn away or shade their eyes. It’s “showbiz” –pure
entertainment — and it’s all happening right here– at the famed
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
where SHOWTIME “ALWAYS” BEGINS AT
=9:00 PM=
WE MEAN IT THESE DAYS– WE REALLY DO…

THE SLAPDOWN
Admission to the Ask Dr. Hal! show in its newest form? That’s

  $10-ISH (Cheap)

A Love offering. A donation to support the arts–
and our on-going exposition, now in its 12th year of
esoteric, recondite entertainment. A regrettably
unavoidable necessity in turbulent times of economic
convulsions and a harsh, unforgiving fiscal climate.
A vote of confidence, if you will. C’mon, keep Chicken
afloat. Support the Performing Arts Community. Give
what you can. And may the spirit of charity dwell eternally in your heart. Now fork over, cheapskate!

WE START…  WITH A CLASSIC CARTOON!
Just before each performance begins, we screen a great animated
cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever
committed to film. Last week we showed The Old Mill, directed by
Wilfred Jackson for Walt Disney. This week it’s back to Warner Bros.
and our all-time favorite animation director Bob Clampett as we bring you
the immortal Porky Pig masterwork of Surrealism and avant-garde artistry,
Porky in Wackyland (1938). The story concerns Porky’s expedition to find
The Last of the Do-Dos in Dark/Darker/Darkest Africa. In 1994 it was voted
#8 of The 50 Greatest Cartoons of All Time by members of the animation
field, and in 2000 was deemed “culturally significant” by the United States
Library of Congress, which selected it for preservation in the National Film
Registry. What’s it like? As in all of Clampett’s cartoons, the screen overflows
with bizarre, intricate details which even after many viewings still provide
something new. Looking heavily influenced by the work of Salvador Dali, the
film’s baffling strangeness is no impediment to its irrepressible humor. There’s
a creature playing the flute by blowing its nose, a strange rabbit dangling in
mid-air from a swing that seems to be threaded through its own ears, an
angry criminal imprisoned behind a free-floating barred window that he
holds in his hands, and a cop with a wheel for legs, who rides up to assault
the prisoner. There’s also a three-headed monstrosity based on the Three
Stooges, with the three heads violently arguing in a squeaky abstract language,
which is translated by a long-nosed little creature who runs up to the foreground
of the image and bashfully offers, “He says his mother was scared by a
pawnbroker’s sign.” Get it? Sure you do. Three heads, three balls to a
pawnbroker’s sign… You know, a pawnbroker’s sign? That sign with the three
balls…? You see, they used to have those signs… aah, you’re a lousy audience.
OK,  back to our cartoon crowd, seething and teeming with all those outre
characters. Explorer pertinacious Porky Pig is confronted by all of them almost
as soon as he arrives, just moments after the lunatic sunrise (the sun is lifted
above the horizon by a tower of stacked creatures) signals the start of a new
day in Wackyland. This kind of abstract nonsense drives the picture, with the
same kind of absurdist sense of humor and fluid flow between unrelated images
that propelled such Surrealist films as Un Chien Andalou.
As in the rest of this director’s uncompromising work, the cartoon contains moments that have often been censored through the years, but, needless to say, we plan to show it
complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night in time to catch up with
yet another treasure of your Nation’s vanished popular culture. Remember, our
show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. Be on time!

“Clampett’s film is a cartoon masterpiece… jaw-droppingly inventive…”
Ed Howard, Only the Cinema

SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE:
MAYOR GAVIN NEWSOM!
Opening our show this week as our Very Special Guest Star will be the City’s
highest-rolling Swell, Mayor Gavin Newsom. His Honor will speak about his
move to slash the Arts Budget, and what he plans to do about the economy
when he becomes Governor of our State. This Mayor has his critics, but say
what you like about him, he’s no puppet of the Board of Supervisors.

…AND GUESS WHO? FRANK CHU!
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! Before every show, by special
arrangement, the perennial protester/holy man, protest sign grasped firmly
in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late, great
12 Galaxies night club was named, will ascend the stage once again– and
deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. You can take
that to the bank. Go, Frank! We’ve even got him answering questions!

GOLDIE’S DEFIANCE– RELIANCE ON SCIENCE!
ADH Science Solon Pete Goldie has been providing breathless audiences
with images from NASA’s Cassini Probe, and the excitement was palpable
at last week’s show. Pete will be on hand this week too, to present more of
the newest discoveries made in the endless reaches of the unfathomable
void. It’s an exciting time. The news from Mars, however, seems ambiguous.
After nearly a month of daily checks to determine whether Martian NASA’s
Phoenix Mars Lander would be able to communicate again, the agency,
Pete let us know, has stopped using its Mars Orbiter to hail the Lander
and listen for its beep. At this time of the Martian year, reduced daily
sunshine has now left the solar-powered Phoenix craft without enough
energy to keep its batteries charged. (Folks, we know how it must feel.) The final communication from Phoenix (the spacecraft) was a single, feeble signal received via NASA’s Mars Odyssey Orbiter back on Nov. 2. The Phoenix Lander operated for
two overtime months, after all,  achieving all its science goals and more
during its original three-month mission. It landed on the Martian Arctic
Plain on May 25th of this year while the Ask Dr. Hal! show was “dark.”
Well, now it’s the Lander that’ll be dark for a while, Pete tells us–
entombed in a block of frozen carbon dioxide– Dry Ice. Br-r-r-r-r-r!
The last attempt to listen for a signal from Phoenix was when Odyssey
passed overhead at 3:49 p.m. PST Saturday, Nov. 29th (the day following
Dr. Hal’s recent birthday), at 4:26 PM (local Martian solar time) on the 182nd
Martian Day, or Sol, since Phoenix landed. And Pete’s eager to tell you
al-l-l-l about it. So travel with Pete, our own Boffo Boffin, through the
mysterious realms of the universe in his continuing segment, “Waste of
Space.”

COMPUTER FREEBOOTER
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the
show progresses. He finds pictures on the Internet which’re supposed to
resonate with whatever’s being discussed. This Wednesday, David again will
be on hand at his station on our stage, serving up accompanying images
(usually) scraped up from the benthic bottom of the Internet. You might not
think so, but the guy actually practices some restraint doing our show– as
bad as what he usually puts up on our screen is, he’s pullin’ his punches,
folks– let’s just say, if he wanted to, it could be worse– a lot worse. And–
tonight might be the night he finally “snaps” and gives in to temptation.
But see for yourself. As “Cappy’s” agile fingers fly over the keyboard you will
be unable to avoid the horrendous, stomach-churning, hyper-pornographic
results, on our

MULTIPLE MONITOR SCREENS
It’s a dang-blasted Multi-Media Experience, is what it is.

CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new
location: my living room. It’s 4 guys doing improv on 4 different
levels. It can be amazing.”

NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!

So there won’t be any booze for sale this time, OK? BRING YOUR OWN.
We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still be rewarded in
the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca,  –the
“Miracle Liquor.”

THE ASK DR. HAL! SHOW - FEATURING FRANK CHU - CHICKEN JOHN -
DR. HAL - KrOB - PETE GOLDIE - DAVID CAPURRO - WITH SPECIAL
GUEST APPEARANCE BY MAYOR GAVIN NEWSOM - SPECIAL GUESTS
ROOF-DWELLING HILLBILLIES THE “PO’BUCKERS”– DONATION TEN
DOLLARS OR SO - AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN COME - OUR DOORMAN
ROBERT LEVY WILL TAKE YOUR DOUGH AS YOU CROSS OUR
THRESHOLD. COME ALL, COME ONE, NEW SHOW, NEW RUN…

SOCIAL NOTES
Ask Dr. Hal! seems to be happening! Each time we do our show we’ve been
getting more people. Last Wed. we found ourselves having to move in more
chairs, as there weren’t enuff 4 our kapacity krowd. Now Chicken’s getting
set to buy even more chairs. Don’t worry, folks– everyone’ll get seated… For
some new attendees, ADH can turn out to be intimidating. Just ask Mieke,
who had to turn down the honor of a KrOB Moment. I guess the honor wasn’t
quite compelling enuff. All seriousness aside, everyone, don’t feel you haveta
get up there when Chicken sounds the Clarion Call. There’ll always be
someone to take your place, if you’re a bit put off by the ruff stuff. So wuz it
last Wed.; so shall it always be… Not that we didn’t have our hands full with
the likes of Goose, Arko, fabulous Fredrika Distracto, & anxious Andrew
Stelzer– they came up with some lu-lus. Marco Casserole & dynamic Dan
Blanchard put us to the test, as did Juan Rapedo & Washington, who at
least forked over a couple of Washingtons… Then there was delectably
decorative Dawn Stott, dressed to the nines for our Social Event, tho’ we’ve
seen her elsewhere wearing less– much less… ADH also welcomed Zoli
a.k.a. Yoni Wannaleiya of the famed Wink n’ Yoni Show– ackshully more
than the Swooner Crooner everybody knows him as, the Zollster’s a
classically trained singer. We saw him bring in a plate of lit candles to help
Chicken with the ambient lighting. Too bad this spectacularly distracting moment worked against our cartoon, washing out th’ screen. And will
someone clue Chicken that the flashing, ruby-red Disco Ball is also too
much to have going when we’re showing the cartoon? Thanx a bunch… Local
Theater God Sean “Strangelove” Kelly wuz in the house– slumming? –and
Videographer to the Stars Mark “Rome Burned in a Day” Mcgothigan. But
where wuz sleepy-eyed Mark back at Burning Man this year, when we had to
do our show in Center Camp in the middle of a howling white-out inside the
tent? He’d given up & plodded back to his site– that’s right– figgering nobody
would give a p’formance– or show up 4 one– in dust-blown Hell. Wrong on
both counts, Mcgoth. Now there’s no record of that exercise in futility. Don’t
you realize The Show Must Go On? And so it must… Malapert Madeline
Boyne couldn’t be missed, nor could luscious Lynn, and you couldn’t miss
kurvaceous Kate Willett or kaptivating Kaye… Ed Holmes, a.k.a. Bishop Joey
of the First Church of the Last Laff came in to see us, fresh from his own 4-star
show “Subhuman” @ Rythmix Cultural Works… So did Puzzling Evidence
of eponymous KPFA 94.1 FM radio fame. Puz Ev, in case you haven’t noticed,
has been shooting mini-docs of our show which he then puts up on You Tube:
Click on the links below this col. We also noted harried Hagula, who musta left
off her make-up… then there wuz just-plain-Juniper-fresh Jessica Noël, new to
the show but full of questions. These she mostly asked after we were done & we
were off duty– we chatted pleasantly for some time… The roof-dwelling
Hillbillies were back, but the Child Protective Services man came once again
during showtime to take little Lucky into protective custody. If only Mom & Pop
would take that lollipop out of the kid’s hair… Paul Pot, Xpert in Space
Aviation, keeps souping up Pete Goldie’s spacecraft model of the
Cassini-Huygens Probe, attaching magnetic grapples between the Orbiter &
the Lander. Science marches on… As for us, we plan to be there for awhile.
That’s right! Now that we’re booking the show ourselves, in its own performance
space, no harried rock club owner (& for the record I don’t mean our doughty
Doorman, redoubtable Robert Levy, late of our last venue, the late, great 12
Galaxies, named by fearless Frank Chu– & yes, he was there this time too)
–can “suddenly” recall that one of our show dates is preempted by a
thoughtlessly booked Rutabaga Stem Suckers concert, benefit for a Sexual
Predator’s Bicycle Crash or other seemingly more profitable enterprise… It (the
Show) goes on the boards every ding-blasted Wednesday at 9:00 PM, and
that’s all she wrote. Here at Chicken John Productions we’re keeping in mind
that some of you have a need… a need to catch the la-a-a-st B.A.R.T. train at 12:17 AM from the 24th St. Mission Station back to the wilds of the East Bay. Translation:
these days we start earlier. We really do. Ask anyone… And try to get there before
9:00 PM, wontcha, or you might miss the cartoon, invalidating all our work…

WILL WE BE BROADCAST ON PIRATE CAT RADIO?
You won’t see PCR’s own Dr. Monkey lurking around with a computer, a
microphone, and 50 yards of cable when you arrive this Wednesday. But
in the fullness of time, he does intend to get around to capturing the show
for broadcast on his station, Pirate Cat. The plan is that these episodes will
be available, as audio, to invalids and shut-ins. Thoughtful, eh? But Dr. M. will
be out of town this week, hob-nobbing with his brother wizards. When he
returns, assuming a few trifling outstanding issues with the management can
be cleared up, “all systems will be go“ for “liftoff–” and we’ll be able to let
you know at that point just when you’ll be able to start tuning in to these
broadcasts and start downloading those podcasts. You’ll know when it’ll be
time to tune your radio dial to 87.9 FM. We’re as anxious as you are to receive
this information. And, when we get it, we’ll pass it right along to you. ‘Nuff said.

AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute?
Scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! It’s
the next best thing to being there in person! How? Why, just click on these
handy URLs:

View choice fragments from our November 26th show on You
Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly
berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even
than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions.
Just go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NVLPHyiExc

See clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words. Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixlk8linoEs

The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For
those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow, check
out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video
clip from the ADH Pirate Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete
“Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi
McTaint. Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrfFcbcmo9I&feature=email

See you Wednesday night!

OBITUARY DEPT.
FORREST J. ACKERMAN
November 24, 1916 – December 4, 2008
The world has lost Forrest “Forry” Ackerman, mentor to
a generation’s shrine of secret knowledge. Without 4e
(as he was often known) there would be no Church of
the SubGenius, to mention just one example– and no
Ask Dr. Hal! Show.  Ackerman, who originally coined
the term “sci-fi,” was influential not only in the
formation, organization, and spread of science fiction
fandom, but had also long been a key figure in the
wider cultural acceptance of science fiction as a
literary, artistic and film genre. Ackerman is also
remembered as the editor-writer of the magazine
Famous Monsters of Filmland, as well as for being an
occasional author, actor in monster movies, producer
and literary agent. His house in Hollywood, or as he
liked to put it, “Horrorwood, Karloffornia,” was for
years a sort of shrine, a Mecca to the faithful, who
from the 1950’s to the present day took the pilgrimage
to see “4SJ’s” giant library and unmatched collection of
artifacts from science fiction and horror films. This writer
made the memorable journey a few years back and was
treated graciously there. We at Ask Dr. Hal! remember “FJA” with fondness, and now offer him this gesture of
our love and respect. In Pace Requiescat!

A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE FROM CHICKEN JOHN…
Chicken John to do 22nd Stupid Christmas Show!

SAN FRANCISCO - Chicken John, noted idiot, started a tradition
back in 1986. He threw a Christmas show, on Christmas Night– for
people who didn’t have families, or had them but couldn’t be with
them for whatever reason. Call it Orphan Christmas.
The show started out as a punk rock show with music and other
stuff. In the early 90’s it became a variety show. In 1997, with partner
Hal Robins (the Ask Dr.Hal! show, SubGenius Foundation, voice of
Half-Life’s Isaac Kleiner) it became a homegrown version of a popular
Chuck Barris Game Show: Treasure Hunt. In the show Treasure Hunt,
you answer a trivia question, and if you get it right you get to select a
wrapped present. You open it, and keep whatever was in the box.
Chicken adopted this concept, but put the gifts under a “Christmas
Tree” (usually a mike stand with a branch duct taped to it). But the twist
is that Chicken gets people to bring the wrapped gifts. So, say,
someone may come with a whole pick up truckload of gifts. The pile is
often, in fact, very high.
The show starts at 10PM. The show ends when the last gift is opened
(which was after 3AM last year). It’s really a marathon of unendurable
comic improv, as Chicken and Hal drag everyone on stage to answer
Trivial Pursuit questions and fill the Chez Poulet with gift wrappings and
Holiday bullshit. Some gifts are stellar, some a joke. Some are just
confusing. Best present to date was a ticket to Burning Man. The worst–
a dirty diaper.
Others have been an entire set of encyclopedias, various items of small
furniture, comic books, fake Rolex watches, “sea monkeys,” cat food, a
diary, original artwork, a paddle-ball game, a bubble-blower, a set of
car keys, a laptop, a bag of weed, pictures of your mother naked, a
parking ticket (payable), fun-sized candy, a coupon for a hand job, a
Ritual Roasters Coffee coupon, garbage bags and a Slinky. It wouldn’t be
Christmas if someone didn’t get a Slinky, would it? So, on Christmas Night, come on down to the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret.Your family is all of us
who also have no families. And if you weren’t going to get to unwrap a gift
this year– well, Chicken’s got you covered. God bless us all. Everyone. Even
KrOB…
THAT’S
“The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas,” Year 22!
(Also known as, “The Year Chicken John Ruined Christmas”)
DECEMBER 25th– Christmas Night, 10 PM. FREE!
DECEMBER 24th: The Ask Dr. Hal! Show. DECEMBER 25th: The 22nd
Annual Christmas Show. Come to both!

ALSO

NEW YEAR’S EVE!
Ring in 2009 the right way– with Chicken and Hal!
DECEMBER 31st– Until after Midnight!
Watch this space for news about our New Year’s Eve Chez Poulet
Extravaganza! If you were fretting about “where you wanted to
be” that night, fret no longer! It’ll be the slam-bangety-est, most
chaotic New Year’s Eve Event in town! You’re invited!

More News

ASK DR. HAL’s FIFTH COLUMN!

December 1st, 2008
  THIS WEEK:
UP FROM THE DEPTHS– KrOB
BRINGS YOU “WHEN GIANT
PREHISTORIC FISH ATTACK!”
Immense Carnivorous Subaqueous
Monstrosity Devours Helpless Men
–Just in time for the Holiday S eason!
Last week KrOB took us down to the Moon’s surface– and beneath it–
to reveal a bizarre biota of Moon Creatures, from hundred-foot-long
mandible-snapping caterpillaroids to intellectual insectoids. Who
knew, eh? This week we take a break from (exclusively) invertebrate
shenanigans to showcase exotic species once found on a certain
lost prehistoric island. First, swimming scorpiopedes, strange and
venomous aquatic centipede descendants, put in an appearance. But
this is only the “appetizer” to krafty KrOB’s “main course–” the horrible
ambush predator Piranhadon titanus, a freshwater fish as large as
some whales. You’ll watch in terrified fascination as its gigantic jaws
drag luckless sailors down to a watery doom. Those who may be overly
sensitive to such material are advised to turn away or shade their eyes.
It’s “showbiz” –pure entertainment — and it’s all happening right
here– at the famed
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
where SHOWTIME “ALWAYS” BEGINS AT
     =9:00 PM=
WE MEAN IT THESE DAYS– WE REALLY DO…
THE SLAPDOWN
Admission to the Ask Dr. Hal! show in its newest form? That’s
                          $10 -ISH
                                               C  H  E  A  P  !
A donation to support the arts and our on-going
exposition, now in its 12th year of esoteric, recondite
entertainment. A regrettably unavoidable necessity in
turbulent times of economic convulsions and a harsh,
unforgiving fiscal climate. A vote of confidence, if you
will. Keep Chicken afloat. Support the Performing Arts
Community. Give what you can. And may the spirit of
charity dwell eternally in your heart. Now fork over,
cheapskate!
WE START…  WITH A CLASSIC CARTOON!
Just before each performance begins, we screen a great animated
cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever
committed to film. Last week we showed the Bob Clampett 1944
WWII masterpiece, Russian Rhapsody, the only cartoon we know of
to star German dictator Adolf Hitler. Hit-larious! But now we’re going to
change our pace a bit for a pastoral interlude from the Walt Disney
studios back in 1937. On deck is one of the most intricate and beautiful
cartoons ever lensed, a film which itself represented tremendous forward
progress in the evolution of the animation medium– The Old Mill,
directed by Wilfred Jackson and released by RKO Radio Pictures (at
the time it was made Disney did not yet have his own distribution
company). It depicts a natural community of small animals near, and
populating an old, abandoned windmill, and what happens when a violent
thunderstorm strikes, almost destroying their habitat. Oh, if there were only
enough room in this space to write about these cartoons here as they
deserve! How we could go on about Disney’s invention, the marvelous
Multiplane Camera, first showed off to best advantage in this very film.
Multiplane shots allow the camera to track into the film frame
dimensionally, a neat trick when you’re actually photographing flat
drawings. And, this still-amazing film also incorporates realistic depictions
of animal behavior, complex lighting and color effects, representations
of rain, wind, lightning, ripples, splashes and reflections, not to mention
3-D rotation of detailed objects and the use of timing to produce specific
dramatic and emotional effects. Remember, this is an entirely hand-made
work of art, drawn by skilled animators a frame at a time and then
laboriously hand-colored over hundreds of hours by the women in the Ink
& Paint Department at the studio. As the seven and a half minutes of animation
rush by on the screen, the titanic effort it took to produce it is completely
concealed. Most remarkably of all, these were the same people who, a mere
9 years earlier had been drawing the herky-jerky Steamboat Willie (1928)
in which a sadistic Mickey Mouse twists the tails of various pigs, a cat and a
goat, and the neck of a luckless duck, to make music from their various
shrieks. Learning as they went along, these people invented animation.
They were the studio to beat in their day. Even Steamboat is a superior work
to what was being produced at the time by others. But The Old Mill is still a
masterpiece by any standards. In fact, it’s safe to say that it could not be
produced today, since, ironically, the skills needed to make it were lost as its
creators gradually died away. The lessons learned from making The Old Mill
would later be incorporated into Disney’s feature-length animated films,
especially 1937’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. It’s all in gorgeous
three-strip Technicolor, as rich and beautiful as the day it was released.
T